iPray with Seeds

summer

2011-06-21T11:33:00.004-05:00

Today is the first day of my favourite season: summer. For me summer is a break out of routine; time seems to slow down just a bit, and God's creation invites me to experience and enjoy.

Something I have engaged in for the past couple of summers, is asking God where he is drawing my attention to for these glorious, languid months. I have had both great pleasure and significant growth through intentionally walking my way through various books of the bible, as well as engaging more regularly in listening prayer.

Usually I have approached God on my own and asked for focus, and followed from there. This time, however, I joined my prayers with two dear friends and team-mates as we asked and listened for each other, then shared what we heard. This was a wonderful time of affirmation, and it was also refreshing to hear God's voice through others. An added dimension that I am looking forward to is the support of this little community, as we have agreed to pray for and check in on each other periodically throughout the summer to see how things are going.

So this summer it seems I am being invited to begin each day in a meeting place with God - to meet him in the river, so to speak. From there, I believe my scripture focus may be to reacquaint myself with the story of Moses. I really wonder what God plans to reveal to me in that story ... not only where I will find him, but also where I'll find myself. There are usually a couple of surprises along the way.

What if we each asked God what he wants to draw our focus to for the summer? Either on our own, or with a trusted friend or two? And then what if we went for it?! Might these sweet summer months become just a little bit sweeter?

-Candice

via dolorosa

2011-04-28T20:42:00.004-05:00

Holy Week for me this year was ... holy. What made it holy was reading and experiencing the story of Christ's passion from a new perspective. It was as if my eyes had been opened to an aspect I hadn't thought of before.

Each day of the week preceding Easter, when I read a portion of the story in scripture, I asked Jesus where I might find myself in the story. Often when I've done this, I've had an experience of picturing myself in the scene ... of seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling my way through the story. This time it was as if Jesus opened the story to who I am ... who he's made me to be.

My first stop was in the garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus prayed and the disciples fell asleep. When I read or hear this story, I'm usually a bit disgusted and less than understanding of the disciples. I mean really, they couldn't stay awake by their dear friend and master's side when he was clearly experiencing extreme anguish? But this time, my intercessor's heart was awakened. How, I wondered, would someone with a heart for intercession pray in a time before the Holy Spirit had been revealed to them? What would the disciples' prayers have been like? Did they think that was even an option for them? I found myself that day praying into that story with an intercessor's heart. Interesting. Holy.

Another experience was in the story of Peter denying Jesus 3 times in the courtyard of the Chief Priest. Again, I've never been overly sympathetic of Peter in that story. I mean really, denying him three times?! Peter, who earlier that evening took up arms against a soldier in defense of Jesus?! But once again, I found myself wondering: was Peter praying in the courtyard? Could he have been in constant dialogue with God, as we can today? Did he know that was even an option for him? Again, I found myself praying into that story from an intercessor's perspective. Interesting. Holy.

And then there was the Via Dolorosa. Jesus' walk to the crucifixion site, carrying his cross. Where would an intercessor be on that "way of suffering"? Was it possible to intercede for Jesus even as he took those painful steps? And once again, I was on my knees, with my heart for intercession broken in this story. Interesting. Holy.

Thank you, Jesus, for revealing a fresh angle to this story. This ancient, precious story that is always new. Thank you for showing me my place in this story today.

-Candice

"Wherever you go, there you are", is a saying a friend of mine likes to share. It usually is received with chuckles and shakes of the head. Somebody usually comments on how profound that statement is. It's worth a giggle and we move on.

Not that long ago, though, I put some thought into that silly saying. It was after I'd been away for a bit, and realized once again, that my thought patterns, habits, and how I respond to things go with me wherever I am. Things that bug me at home, bug me when I'm not at home. How I respond to someone at home, is mostly how I respond to them when we're away from home - both in the positive and the negative sense.

Who I am and how I do things does not really change just because I go away for a bit. So when I think I want or need to "get away from it all", often what I want to get away from goes with me.

I asked Jesus what he has to say about this. The good thing is, he is the one who really does not change. (see Hebrews 13:8), Plus, he's always with us (see Matthew 28:20). I was reminded that when I find myself in a place where I thought I was getting away from myself (make sense?!) the only place I'll find real change - or transformation - is with him.

sanctuary

2011-02-23T15:31:00.007-06:00

I usually find it difficult to articulate what I am passionate about. Of course, there are a number of issues, situations and people that I could say I'm passionate about, but to me passion is a larger concept. It's more about what drives me. Even what defines me.

Not that long ago I was asked to share about what I'm passionate about right now. Luckily for me, I was given some time to process the question. So I started reflecting on the question ... looking through my journal, looking for some patterns in my life, and asking Jesus about it.

It seemed to boil down to an unlikely word: sanctuary. Unusual as the word is, it seemed to fit. To me, sanctuary means a holy place, a safe place, a place where God is to be found. And I can go to a sanctuary. But I can also make a sanctuary, or even be a sanctuary.

As I held that word up to various areas of my life, most specifically to my relationships, my work, my home, as well as personally, I realized that this is really my passion. To have, be, make and go to a sanctuary: a place of refuge; a holy place. And I believe God made me to be passionate about sanctuary - and all that it means for me.

What if we each asked God what he would identify as our passion?

-Candice

the writing on my hand

2011-01-08T12:18:00.005-06:00

Recently I did some reflecting on Advent and Christmas. I was reminded how I had surrendered to God regularly during Advent, and was left waiting with empty hands. I wondered what I was waiting to receive, and when that might be. Of course, I had to ask. The image came quickly and clearly, and in my mind I saw my hand with the word "new" written on it.

This has led me to search scriptures for God's promises of newness, and one of my favourites is Isaiah 43:19 where it says, "Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands."

And each day I try to remember to simply ask God "what's new?" and wait for his word for me that day. Even when a familiar word comes, it makes me wonder how God will make that word new for me on that day ... or at least someday.

What if we each started our day by asking God "what's new?"

-Candice

waiting

2010-12-13T10:17:00.005-06:00

Who doesn't love to receive? And how do we receive? Do we receive graciously and humbly, acknowledging the giver's good intentions? Or do we scramble to reciprocate the gift, or defer gratitude with comments like "you shouldn't have"? Do we allow joy and closeness to take over, for both the giver and as the receiver?

So far in my Advent journey this year I have been reading, thinking, and praying about my own preparation for Christ's birth anew. Today I felt invited by God to seriously prepare to receive. And I realized (well actually I've known this for a long time) that I hold something that prevents me from fully receiving all He has for me. It was revealed to me as an image through prayer, and I was invited to surrender it. So I did. And I did again. Five times I surrendered that which was blocking me from receiving. At last when it was totally surrendered, I had an image of my empty hands. I thought, "good! I'm ready to receive!"

However, it seems it is not yet time for me to receive. Instead I had the sense that God has me in training, in a place of waiting with clean, empty hands. He has promised me protection, a guard and a friend to keep me strong in this period of waiting. I may pick up again what I had surrendered, but he's right there for me to hand it over again.

This heightens my anticipation. I wonder what I will learn during this waiting period. I wonder what remaining in a posture of surrender and waiting will lead to. I want to be ready to receive, to really receive.

-Candice

not afraid of the dark

2010-11-20T10:35:00.006-06:00

The other evening, my son and I were in our basement, and when he went upstairs ahead of me, he turned the lights off. It was totally dark, and I asked him to turn the lights back on so I could find my way to the stairs. He asked me if I was afraid of the dark, and I said no, I used to be, as a child, but not anymore. He told me that he's not afraid of the dark anymore either. I asked him why not, and did anything happen to make him not afraid of the dark anymore? He said no, just one night he realized that his fear was gone. He said Jesus took that fear from him. Did you ask Jesus to take the fear away I wondered? No, he said, Jesus just knew I did not need to be afraid of the dark, and he just takes care of me like that even when I don't exactly ask him.

What a beautiful place to be in your friendship with Jesus, I thought. To just be living in awareness of God's presence, and even in expectancy that He will give you what you need. To humbly receive gifts and blessings from Him. There's something so pure and simple about my son's understanding of who God is - and who he is to God - that makes me want to take that posture as well.

What if we lived in such an awareness of the presence of God and accepted his good gifts with thanks to the One who knows what we need?

-Candice

hallowed be thy name

2010-10-07T14:39:00.003-05:00

This week I've been sinking into the Lord's Prayer. I was wondering how to approach it, so I decided to simply ask Jesus. What came of that is that each day I have been meditating on a phrase of the Lord's Prayer. So Monday: Our Father. Tuesday: Who art in heaven. Wednesday: Hallowed be thy name. Thursday: Hallowed be thy name. It seems I'm supposed to sink into this one a little deeper.

What I'm noticing is that "hallowed be thy name" - especially when I use the "King James" language is extremely ... holy. Try rolling those words over in your mind, or even aloud a few times and see if you agree.

Yesterday I simply sat and repeated "hallowed be thy name" in my mind for awhile. Then I started to say it aloud sporadically. Then I used "hallowed be thy name" as a prayer response to things I heard, thought and experienced throughout yesterday and today. I'm experiencing a sense of peace and completeness as I do this.

I wonder what it would be like if we each prayed those words today?

Hallowed be thy name.

-Candice

my summer reading

2010-08-27T08:04:00.004-05:00

I felt the need this summer to re-read the Gospels. I thought it would be a good idea to read about the life of Jesus and just get a little refresher on how he lived and what he said. I picked up a devotional book that I've had for a number of years - Solo, by Eugene Peterson. It's laid out in Lectio Divina style - Read, Reflect, Respond, Rest.

I thought I was going to be re-familiarizing myself with Jesus' life. After all, I do know all the stories, but maybe a refresher would be a good idea, and who knows, maybe I would gain some insight into some of the finer details. But, as I have consistently experienced, Jesus took this willingness to immerse myself in the Word and used it as a time to teach me about my life with him. So although I went into it thinking I would be re-familiarizing myself with Jesus' life, His plan was to re-familiarize me with my life with Him. Sound confusing? It's not, really.

So here are just a few of the areas of my life that I had opportunity to consider these past few weeks:

In Matthew 9 I read stories of healing. I took note of the areas in my life where I need healing, and read about how healing can be requested of Jesus, but also just flows from the hem of his garment. I was reminded that we can, in faith, ask for healing in various ways.

Further into Matthew, in chapters 15-17, I saw my judgmental tendencies exposed. Ouch, not pretty. But guess what? Jesus was there, ready to receive my confessions and shame and hold me in my brokenness.

Then in the book of Mark, there's a story entitled "Paralyzed and Desperate" - it's about a paralyzed man whose friends lower him through the roof of a house to seek Jesus' healing. In this story, Jesus showed me that there are times in my life when I have been in various positions: the paralyzed man who depends on others to bring him to Jesus. The friends whose faith and determination facilitates healing for another, and even the role of someone who is on the floor inside the house and observing the action.

On to Luke. I believe that if there was just one thing I was supposed to hear this summer, it is found in Luke 6:35-36 where it says "Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never - I promise - regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst." I sat with those words for several days. They still bring tears to my eyes, because they're still working their way into my heart. I cried out to God, holding the words "I promise" up to him and questioned him: Really?! I really won't regret it if I do this?? But it can be so painful! I've been hurt so often! But the words are there. They must be true. I can't say I've embraced them entirely, but Jesus has assured me that he is patient and that this is indeed what he is asking of me. Further into Luke (chapter 12) this issue is addressed again. More instruction. More promises. I feel like he really wants me to know this.

Then the book of John. Some of my favourite "belonging" passages are here, and I felt this is where I could rest after doing some pretty hard work in the book of Luke. More stories of healing, where I could find myself in the one who answered "yes!" to Jesus' question: "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6). Stories of comfort and belonging to the Good Shepherd whose sheep know his voice and who knows his sheep by name. God won't leave me hanging. But I have to do my job of following him.

So in a rather large nutshell, that is a glimpse into my journey through the Gospels this summer. I had no idea at the outset that this is what would be in store for me. Painful realizations, joyful reuniting of my heart with his heart for me, and a renewed thirst for more of his words and promises are just a few of the things Jesus had in mind for me when I said "yes" to what was obviously his invitation to "re-familiarize myself" with his life.

I wonder what's next?

-Candice

roadblocks

2010-08-10T11:11:00.004-05:00

I am a planner, a scheduler, an organizer. I like my routines, my calendar, and knowing what's ahead. I like to be in control of changing those plans according to what would be more suitable, make more sense, etc. So what happens when I feel control has been taken from me and plans I've made months ago suddenly get cancelled ... because of someone else's plans, circumstances, schedule etc? Well, first I feel frustrated and angry. Then some bitterness creeps in. Blame shows up. And I want to withhold grace.

That looks ugly. I certainly don't want to sit with that stuff and let it take over. What if I were open to hearing what Jesus has to say about it? What if I were attentive to what the Holy Spirit is showing me and teaching me that I could only learn and experience if I were right here instead of where I had planned to be?

These are things that I can only receive answers to if I ask. So ask is what I did. And over the next few days I opened myself to learning, experiencing and following what Jesus had for me. I find when I am open to it, I am awakened to his presence and activity, even in the smallest of things.

Would I have experienced the goodness of the Holy Spirit if my original plans had gone ahead? Quite possibly. Am I disappointed that parts of my plans had to be cancelled? Absolutely. Am I satisfied with what I have been learning and feel complete with what I've received so far? I'm still working on it.

-Candice

the garden angel

2010-06-30T20:33:00.007-05:00

I was about to make an entry that I've been sitting with for some time now. Before I got started, I decided to take a quick peek at a dear friend's blog. I was surprised and pleased to see that just yesterday, she blogged the exact story I had planned to share today.

So instead of rewriting it, I'd like to redirect you to Andrea's blog.

She writes it so beautifully and it was a joy to read the story in her words. Thanks, Andrea!

-Candice

present in chaos

2010-04-28T09:18:00.004-05:00

I woke up in chaos today. The details of family, home and work life were piled up on top of each other, overlapping in ways that needed immediate untangling. My usually organized and ordered approach to the day fell apart before the coffee finished brewing. I zoomed through the first hour of the day, wondering what I could eliminate or rearrange so that those things that had to get done would, and those things that could wait, could.

So this is what I did. I sat. I opened myself to God's presence in this crazy day that won't have enough hours. I did not get promises. I cannot even particularly say I'm feeling calm and ready to face whatever else might come my way today, but I agree with God that I am in his presence today. I might still forget things on my to do list. I might still feel rushed or overbooked. I don't expect God to "fix" any of that, but I can expect him to be with me.

-Candice

the prayer chair

2010-04-12T08:58:00.006-05:00

Lately I've been paying closer attention to some of my positional habits. Locations I gravitate toward in certain situations. For example, and I think this may be true for many people: I sit in the same spot at the table every meal. I have my spot in the vehicle when we travel as a family. I sit in relatively the same spot every week at church. I have my favourite chair for reading. I sit on the same side of the couch when I watch TV.

I find this is also true when I pray. I have a "prayer chair" ... a chair where I go when I am at home and I intentionally want to engage God in dialogue. Of course I can pray from anywhere in the house, but it just feels easier to "dial down" when I'm in my prayer chair.

Recently our family was on vacation for a little over a week. While we were gone, I knew I wanted to intercede for a specific situation, and there were many times when I dialogued intentionally with God during that time. However, I was very aware of the sense of "going to" God, even though I've been growing in my awareness of God's constant presence. I'm not sure how to reconcile that, or if it's even necessary to do so.

I don't want to say that prayer is most effective, best, or most fulfilling only when I'm in familiar conditions, because I don't believe that. But I do think there's value in establishing a regular place and time for dialoguing with God. Just like a coffee shop or a candle light dinner draws out intimate dialogue between two people, my "prayer chair" is a setting for intimate dialogue with the Lord.

Will I continue to be aware of God's presence in every situation and be open to dialogue anywhere, anytime? Of course I will. But I also give thanks to a God who knows me intimately and loves to come into my presence.

-Candice

prayer - 365

2010-03-13T22:08:00.005-06:00

I just entered the word "pray" in the search box at biblegateway.com. In the NIV default setting, there are 365 scripture references to prayer. That's one for every day of the year. Interesting. As I scanned through some of the verses, there seems to be a prayer relevant to any situation we might find ourselves in: prayers of thanksgiving and praise, prayers for help and deliverance, prayers for healing and restoration, prayers for self and prayers for others.

As I explore and grow in my understanding of prayer, I'm confident that we really can be in constant dialogue with God. We really are in his presence every moment. It is so much sweeter when there is a consciousness about it, but there's also a beautiful assurance that when we belong to God, we can't not pray.

-Candice

Lent

2010-02-20T20:10:00.007-06:00

"One of the principal disciplines of the spiritual life is attentiveness: being alert to the simple, often subtle ways that God's grace enters our lives. Often, we have to set aside our anxious preoccupations in order to see that our days are filled with mercies." - from a lent devotional by Emilie Griffin.

I find Lent can become somewhat of a strange preoccupation. Suddenly people I never really engage in "spiritual" conversations with are asking me what I have given up for Lent. Or announce what they have given up for Lent ... usually something in the form of sugar, caffeine, or fat. I find this interesting. In hopes that I am not coming across as judgmental, I just find myself wondering what we have made Lent into when overcoming our cravings for chocolate becomes our focus during this sacred time.

There have been seasons when I've given up chocolate for Lent. Or chips, or pop. When I reflect on those times, I wonder if by doing that I actually made more room for experiencing God in my life. Was it about discipline, an attempt to identify on a miniscule level with my Savior's suffering, or participating in a ritual that I didn't really understand?

For the past number of years, I have not given up anything for Lent. For one, I am weak. I cheat constantly and that heaps on the guilt. That really does not feel like I am drawing nearer to God. When I think about my longing to draw nearer to God, I realize that it is not chocolate or chips that gets in my way. It's things that steal my time. Now of course there are things that I give my time to that I cannot give up for Lent, but there are small - and sometimes not so small - time wasting activities that I allow myself to indulge in that if they were removed, that time may be filled more purposefully.

So during Lent this year, I am choosing to make more room to experience God's presence. I wish I could say it's a daily practice, but it's not always. But when I turn away from one of my time-wasting activities, I'm reminded to raise my awareness of God's presence in every moment.

-Candice

living in God's presence

2010-01-23T10:17:00.004-06:00

I often catch myself thinking that I need to "come into God's presence" when I want to dialogue with him, experience what he has for me and so on. Of course when I quiet myself and put other thoughts and activities aside I feel that I am more fully in God's presence. Isn't that the same with other things and relationships too?

But God is always present. He is here and now and will always be. So what is there for me to "come into"? Isn't it more about me being aware of his presence and living in it? Yesterday I read these words in Deuteronomy:

"So now Israel, what do you think God expects from you? Just this: Live in his presence in holy reverence, follow the road he sets out for you, love him, serve God, your God with everything you have in you, obey the commandments and regulations of God that I'm commanding you today -- live a good life." (10:12-13)

What if I lived every day remembering that I'm always in God's presence? What if I remembered I am in his presence when I'm at work, when I'm running errands, when I'm interacting with my family or anyone else for that matter? Yesterday I started reminding myself at times that I am in God's presence. I even whispered it to myself a couple of times: "I'm in God's presence". Suddenly I feel like I should approach every situation with holy reverence. Even my thoughts are occurring in God's presence.

And then there's that last sentence in verse 13 that ends with "live a good life". It's part of what God expects from me. And living a good life means living it in his presence. What if we each did that today? What if even once today, we remembered to tell ourselves that we're living in God's presence? What would we notice? What might we do differently? How might we perceive our present situations?

-Candice

praying the prayer of another

2010-01-06T09:08:00.002-06:00

For me, prayer is dialogue with God. Each dialogue is unique, sometimes clear and epic in nature, sometimes vague and ephemeral. I tend to think of dialogue needing to be "in my own words". However, I often pray through scripture, using the words I read as my own words to God, and reading the words as his words to me. I've prayed psalms as if they were my own. And the Lord's Prayer - a gift that each of us can claim. I've also prayed prayers written by others, aligning myself with the words and ideas expressed through their writing.

Recently I've been thinking of a prayer that I came across several years ago, and I prayed it regularly for a time, loving how it addressed each aspect of the Trinity. Today, finally I searched it, and when I found it, it was like a key unlocking a door in my memory bank. Memories of the time of life when I prayed this prayer daily. Who I prayed it with. How God revealed himself as Three in One to me at that time.

This prayer is by John Stott, pastor of All Souls Church in London.

Good morning heavenly Father. Good morning Lord Jesus. Good morning Holy Spirit. Father I pray that I may live this day in Your presence and please You more and more. Lord Jesus I pray that this day I may take up my cross and follow You. Holy Spirit I pray that this day You will fill me with Yourself and cause Your fruit to ripen in my life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Holy, blessed and glorious Trinity, three Persons in one God, have mercy upon me, Amen.

-Candice

there is not one without the other

2009-12-24T13:24:00.002-06:00

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NLT

restore my soul

2009-11-13T09:10:00.007-06:00

I love reading books that are rich in description both of setting and character. My mind creates images that often become a part of me as the story unfolds. This might sound lovely, but at times it is not. It seems that images of the unlovely are what stay with me (which is why I've also become very good at skimming as I read!) This has also led me to be rather selective in what I choose to open my mind to, because I know that once something's in there, it's hard to get it out!

The same goes with movies, just on a bit more of an intense level. Because now I'm exposed to images of someone else's making, with the soundtrack to go with it. Not that long ago, I went to a movie with a few other people. The heart of the theme really was redemptive violence. It was horrible and graphic. Even with my eyes squeezed shut and my fingers in my ears for most of the movie, some images still made their way into my mind, and continue to resurface and force me to deal with them.

In Romans 12:2 it says "Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
In a way that gives me comfort: if one of the patterns of this world is redemptive violence, then being highly sensitive to images and portrayals of that is a way of not accepting that pattern.

That still doesn't get awful images out of my head though. So one afternoon as I was going for a walk and again those images resurfaced and threatened to overtake my rational thinking, I held up some scripture in defense. I began to think through Psalm 23 (one of my meeting places) and I found myself repeating the words "he restores my soul". He restores my soul.

Restores: According to Webster, "to bring back to or put back into a former or original state: renew".

My soul: that part of me that is the essence of myself as God has created me and the place where I am in community with God through the Holy Spirit.

He restores my soul. I have this longing to be brought back to the original state of God's creation of my soul.

What if I asked for him to restore my soul on a daily basis? Or an hourly basis, because I can so quickly get off track? What if we each did that? Could we break the patterns of this world?

He restores my soul.

-Candice

new meeting place

2009-10-15T10:08:00.003-05:00

Today I thought I wanted to listen to God. No actually I thought I wanted to talk to God. I have questions for him. I want to tell him what's going on inside my head. He obviously knows what's going on inside my head, even better than I do. Because these last couple of days, as I've been trying to sort out my thoughts to better cry out to him (how's that for trying to stay in control?!) he's been gently and consistently inviting me to ... sit and relax with him.

I have several meeting places in my heart that I can access when I pray. And I have not been going to any of those in the last while. It turns out God has been preparing another one for me. It speaks to the needs I have right now: warmth. Quiet. Intimacy. As I allow this image to be revealed inside my heart, and settle into it, he has been speaking to me. Scripture that has held meaning for me is resurfacing. I can speak out my questions. I can let loose what's been taking up so much space in my head.

And I'm waiting to hear what he has to say about all of this. For now I'm getting this image of intimacy and peace. I understand this to mean it's time for me to sit and experience what he has for me right now. It's a good image. Though I still have questions. I still long for clarity about my "stuff". But I can sit here with him. Because there's no place I'd rather be.

-Candice

the right way

2009-09-30T08:45:00.004-05:00

I try to do the right thing. I usually know what it is, and want to do it. Often it's not big moral dilemmas, or really tempting situations, but mostly things that fall under the category of "obligation". Like how I care for my family and my home. How I relate to those around me. How I spend my time. There's usually a "right" response in every situation.

Doing the right thing is usually an easy choice. But the attitude I bring to it, or even the feelings I keep inside don't always necessarily match up with my choices and actions. So then am I still doing the right thing?

This morning I read these words in Isaiah 56: "Do what's right and do it in the right way". I went on to read the rest of the chapter, but my eyes continually went back to that line in verse 1. I take that to mean God has something he wants me to focus on there. As I asked him what he wants me to know today, I was also reminded of the words in 1 Corinthians 13. The whole chapter is worth reading through, but I was specifically brought to the idea that without love, I'm nothing.

What if I did the right thing and did it with love? Consistently, in every situation? How would that affect the way I do the right thing? For one thing, the word "obligation" would probably disappear. Wouldn't that be nice? And wouldn't those around me be touched by that love? The love that actually comes from the Father?

My prayer for myself today is that I do what's right and do it in the right way. He assures me he has enough love to cover it. What if we all prayed that today?

-Candice

boats that float

2009-08-13T07:29:00.005-05:00

A few days ago, I wanted to engage in a prayer exercise I learned a while back: that of visualizing boats going by and putting my "stuff" on the boats, releasing them to float away. In a bit of a desperate moment, I took something that has been weighing me down lately, heaved it onto the boat ... and watched the boat sink. What was that about?! Disgusted and disappointed, I gave up on the exercise.

My inner monk craves discipline, chunks of time, silence, and solitude to engage in prayer. My present reality gives me just about everything but that. Is it possible to pray on the fly? (and be meaningful?) To be in constant dialogue with God? When it seems so "hit and miss", is it worth it? Does this have anything to do with that boat sinking?

I had the opportunity yesterday to ask God some of these questions. Actually I started by asking "why pray?" (just curious!) Almost immediately the response was: "yes, why pray?" So I thought about listening, about intercession, about the verse I've been claiming from Isaiah (see previous post), about answered prayer/unanswered prayer ... but the peace and light came when I settled with the idea of communication with God. I thought about my richest, most valuable relationships. Communication and time spent together is key to the closeness we experience.

And about those chunks of time vs praying on the fly? Well not all my interactions with those I'm in meaningful relationship with are deep and life-changing. Some are exchanges of information. Some are quick check-ins. But all are part of the relationship.

But I wanted to know one more thing: what about the boat that sank under my burden? Well it seems I manufactured that boat. I didn't ask for it to come from him. His boats don't sink. Right.

-Candice

ask for the moon

2009-06-29T09:08:00.006-05:00

This morning as I was reading from the book of Isaiah, a few words jumped off the page.

God spoke again ... "Ask for a sign from your God. Ask anything. Be extravagant. Ask for the moon!" (Isaiah 7:10)

I'm sitting with that, trying to grasp the thought that God encourages us to ask anything. Anything! What does anything mean? How about extravagant? What does that mean?

The part of me that battles selfishness wants to close my ears to this. The part of me that wants the moon is breathless with excitement. What could this mean for individuals, for families, for the church? What if we asked extravagantly in situations that seem hopeless, overwhelming, or just too huge to even think that one person's prayers will make a difference? What if we prayed this way for others as well as for ourselves?

Ask anything. Be extravagant. Ask for the moon!

-Candice

my place in the field

2009-05-27T20:47:00.005-05:00

On a couple of occasions lately I've wished I were the harvester. Usually I feel content with being the tiller of the soil, even the planter of the seed and often the waterer ... but rarely am I the harvester.

Two scriptures that illustrate this analogy, and that have been rattling around in my brain, begging to be blogged I guess, are these:

1 Corinthians 2:6 - I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.

Luke 10:2 - He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

I've been crying out to the Lord to put me in the field as a harvester, since they're so few. And he's gently led me to read the words around each of these verses, and to recognize myself there. In 1 Corinthians, I am reminded that I am a servant with a task, and all glory belongs to God. Of course. And He had a sweet surprise for me when I sat with Luke 10 ... the harvest is plentiful because of those that till, plant and water. Servant though I am, this was a humbling reminder.

Can I say I'm at peace with this? Not entirely. He seems to be okay with that ... as long as I keep bringing my questions to him. He shows me my true identity. Embracing it is my challenge.

-Candice

more of you and less of me

2009-04-19T17:44:00.004-05:00

I've been having a hard time lately settling my thoughts. Even though my body may be at rest, my mind seems to buzz at a hundred miles an hour.

I've sensed the Lord inviting me to be still and know that he is God. My heart longs for this. My mind does not seem to allow me to have this. I've tried to "capture every thought", but that seems impossible as there are so many of them, and no sooner have I caught one than it escapes again or another goes whizzing by.

God has a better idea for me. I was given the image of a thread, connected to me and floating away from me. At the end of the thread is a thought. In this image, a scissor simply snips the thread and the thought floats away. Gone. But there are more threads. One at a time, they can be snipped. I have not been able to have them all snipped in one sitting, but there certainly has been something very freeing about visualizing those threads simply floating off into oblivion. I have no responsibility to chase after them or do anything with them.

And with each thread snipped, there is more room for closeness with God. John 3:30 in the NLT says "He must become greater and greater; I must become less and less".

-Candice

May the Lord bless ... me?!

2009-02-04T19:37:00.003-06:00

As I faced another day of forcing myself out of the house and into the cold in the morning, I suddenly felt desparate for prayer. I started thinking about calling someone to ask for ... what? I didn't exactly know. I just knew that I've been thinking lately about wanting to be desparate for prayer, and now I was actually feeling desparate for prayer.

But I didn't make any calls. I thought about a book I had started reading last night, with a scripture reference that I had meant to look up but didn't at the time. The author mentioned she had preached a sermon in seminary on Numbers 6:22-27. I had wondered what a seminary student would find in Numbers to preach on in class?!

So this morning I looked it up. It's a blessing I am familiar with:

"The LORD bless you
and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace."

And I started praying it for myself, with some desparation, because I realized this is what my heart was longing for: May the Lord bless me ... May his face shine upon me ... and give me peace...

A selfish prayer? Try praying it for yourself and you'll find out.

-Candice

Settling into Babylon

2009-01-14T22:06:00.004-06:00

I've been sitting with Jeremiah 29:4-14 these past few weeks. The familiar and comforting verse 11 is tucked right in the middle of it. Though that was not what God has been using to teach me lately. In this passage, God's message is for the Israelites who are exiles in Babylon. Verse 7 is where my eyes were opened.

"Make yourselves at home there and work for the country's welfare. Pray for Babylon's well-being. If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for you."

It speaks to my need to try to pray my way out of situations, places, seasons of life etc. Out of Babylon, and out of exile. But it sounds like God is asking me to actually make my home in a place of exile. To raise a family there. To plant a garden. To stay for awhile. And, amazingly, to pray for Babylon's well-being. What would that look like? If I draw some parallels to what my personal Babylons are, what would it look like for me to pray for the well-being of a place of exile? The promise is right there: If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for me.

What if that's true?

-Candice

Pruning my Branches

2008-12-05T11:16:00.003-06:00

A passage I find myself being drawn back to over and over again is John 15 - The Vine and the Branches. Each time I feel invited to sit with it, it seems there is something new for me to absorb. Lately it has been the first 3 verses:

"I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken."

The pruning imagery is what got me this time. As I offer my branches to the Lord to be pruned, he asks me to name them as they are pruned. Two are snipped off, much to my relief. Then he draws my attention to a few other branches. He points out that they are connected to the vine and have their roots there, but have started growing in a direction that is not sustainable for the branch, nor in harmony with the other branches. Fruit that has not matured. Gifts I've been given that I have been trying to use independently from his purposes. For the good of the tree, the Farmer is ready to prune those branches. He has assured me that as these branches get pruned back, it will bring me closer to the Vine, and bear more and better fruit.

I hold out those branches to be pruned.
-Candice

Reflections on Being Prayed For

2008-11-06T08:57:00.003-06:00

In the last 6 months, I have experienced a level of busyness very different from what I've been used to for the last number of years. I went back to teaching half time after being away from it for 7 years. And our family is building a house, with the move coming up shortly. All of this introduces a high level of chaos and stress into my routinely structured and peaceful lifestyle!

About 2 weeks ago, I was sharing where I was at with a friend. It was a disjointed, emotional tale. When I was through, she held my hand and prayed. I opened myself to receiving the prayer, tucking away words, phrases, scripture and feelings into my heart. Just yesterday this same friend checked in with me about how things are going, and mentioned that she has been regularly echoing those prayers of 2 weeks ago.

I reflected on the past 2 weeks. They have probably been the busiest I've had in a long time and there were certainly moments of tension and even a meltdown or two, but looking at that time frame through a lens of having been supported in prayer throughout it, I recognized God's hand on me and my family.

We don't always have the privilege of knowing when someone has been praying for us. But what if we lived today thinking that someone is or has been praying for us? How would that affect how we reflect on our days? Can we be so desperate for prayer that we're willing to believe that somewhere, someone, at some time has covered us in prayer? And can we be and do that for another?
-Candice

He Knows the Desires of my Heart

2008-10-22T21:44:00.001-05:00

I love being struck by the wonder of God's attention to detail in my life. Twice this week he has assured me that he hears me and I matter to him. Early this week I sent out a specific prayer request to someone. I don't easily do this for myself, though I am learning to be desperate for prayer and to lay aside my pride and ask others to pray for me. By the end of the day, the situation I had asked to be prayed for had definitely made some turns for the better. Would this have happened without prayer? Perhaps. Was it worth praying about and believing God would be in that situation for me to lean on? Definitely.

The second time was just this evening when I was at a meeting and one of the group wrapped up the meeting in prayer. She felt led to pray for each person individually, and her prayers for me were exactly what my heart has been longing for lately, and I hadn't even shared that specifically with her. Once again, I felt God letting me know that he's "on it". It just drives me closer into his embrace.
-Candice

Praying God's Prayer

2008-10-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

I so often approach prayer selfishly. I put my own agenda first, complete with requests for help, blessings and a general attitude that I know what I want to have happen and now I'm going to ask God to do all this stuff for me.

Recently I allowed him to turn that ship around again. And I was amazed at how much MORE he was ready to pour out. More insight, more help and more blessings. And I believe he's not finished revealing all he wants to reveal.

Here's a bit of the story: I don't like discomfort. There was a situation where I was confronted with discomfort, and my knee-jerk response was to ask God to remove it. But for some reason I asked: "Lord, should I pray against this?" And his answer was a clear "NO". So instead, I prayed into it, asking for his prayer in this situation.

Guess what? He had something to say about it! He showed me some of the beauty in the situation. He gave a hint of his promises within the situation. I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten any of that had I pushed through with my own agenda.

I hope I remember to pray this way more often.
-Candice

Enough and Okay

2008-09-04T09:32:00.000-05:00

For the past number of months, two words keep returning to me as I dialogue with Jesus. I frequently am hearing "Who you are is enough and okay". This thought seems to come to me when I am praying in anxiety about something ... a meeting, an event, or anytime I feel I may be going into a situation where I would feel self-conscious, inadequate, and definitely not "enough" and "okay".

When I read 1 Corinthians 4:7ish, that promise is there. "Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle."

Who I am is enough and okay. Who you are is enough and okay. God says so.

-Candice

7,8, Lay Them Straight

2008-08-10T16:33:00.000-05:00

Early this summer I was having a dialogue with Jesus. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and went to him with my cry of "help"! In my mind I had a picture of a jumbled up pile of sticks. They represented all the things I wanted sorted, organized ... laid straight. He graciously offered to take the sticks one at a time, as I named them. So I picked one up, named it, and handed it over. But he said "not that one". What?! I tried another one. Same response. I dug around in the pile. I pulled one out and named it "my relationship with you". He smiled! He took it! And laid it down gently and carefully, then proceeded to line up all the other sticks next to it until everything was satisfactorily neat and tidy.

This image returned to me today as I listened to Dar talk about putting our love for Jesus first. There is room for everything else. It will all line up after that. Him first.
Even in the last 6 weeks since I had this image, my pile of sticks has gotten jumbled again. But he's there, waiting to lay them straight again.
-Candice

Bookmark

2008-08-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

Usually when I read, I use whatever's handy as a bookmark. Often it's a scrap of paper, a card, a tag, or a bookmark one of my kids got from a teacher. Lately I've been using one - I don't even know where it came from - with this question printed on it: "What is there about your relationship with Jesus that the rest of the world can't live without?" I've been contemplating that. It's a good question. I think I know how I would answer it at this stage in my journey. How would you answer it?
-Candice

Read the signs

2008-06-25T13:29:00.000-05:00

Every few months, this sign is posted outside our local bar and grill in town. I've been looking at it from "outside the box" this past year, not because I want a waitressing job, but because the words are taking on a new meaning for me.

Help wanted. Apply in rest. I've been growing in awareness lately of rest being a starting point in so many areas. So many things come out of rest. And not just the resting my body type of rest, though that's good too. But resting my heart, my mind, my soul. Taking on a posture of quiet, of waiting for the still small voice of God. I was struck by the thought the other day that a moving vessel is hard to pour into.

Then there are the opening words, help wanted. That's different than saying help needed. If I want help, I've already identified that I need help, but wanting help means being open to being helped. And to be helped ... well I guess I'll have to apply in rest.
-Candice

Leviathan and the Vine

2008-06-18T13:45:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 27:1-51 At that time God will unsheathe his sword, his merciless, massive, mighty sword.
He'll punish the serpent Leviathan as it flees,
the serpent Leviathan thrashing in flight.
He'll kill that old dragon
that lives in the sea.
2-5"At that same time, a fine vineyard will appear.
There's something to sing about!
I, God, tend it.
I keep it well-watered.
I keep careful watch over it
so that no one can damage it.
I'm not angry. I care.
Even if it gives me thistles and thornbushes,
I'll just pull them out
and burn them up.
Let that vine cling to me for safety,
let it find a good and whole life with me,
let it hold on for a good and whole life."

I love the contrasting images of God in this passage. How he is merciless against the enemy and at the same time nurturing and tender with his own. Even if his own give him thistles and thornbushes, he invites us to cling to him for safety.

When I find myself in this picture, I must ask: What is my "Leviathan"? Because I want him to unsheathe his merciless, massive, mighty sword against it. And I want to cling to him like a vine, wrapping myself around him, allowing him to keep careful watch over me the whole time.
-Candice

Invitation to Lectio Divina

2008-04-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

Only with a slight cringe am I using this blog as a bulletin board today. I just want to get the word out as widely and as quickly as possible about the invitation to explore Lectio Divina over the next several weeks.

You are invited this Sunday (April 20) to join myself and Stepfanie Funk in learning and practicing Lectio Divina.

Lectio Divina is a means of experiencing union with God through the scriptures. We hear God’s word for us through His Word. This community was introduced to Lectio Divina by Mike Stewart at the Prayer Workshops last fall.

As we embark on a new series focusing on the book of James, anyone interested in exploring Lectio Divina will follow the scripture focus for the morning, for each Sunday of the series.

Who: All are invited to come … any and all weeks
When: Sunday, 9:30-10:30 AM each week of the series on the Book of James
Where: Café area of The eXchange
What: Lectio Divina – some group time to orient ourselves followed by some solo time to experience what God has for each of us
Please bring: a Bible (though the passage will be provided on a printout as well), a pen and journal/writing paper

Any questions, please email me at candice@seedschurch.ca.

Come and try it out!

And perhaps ... some of what comes of the Lectio Divina ... will appear in subsequent postings here ... what this blog was really created for.

-Candice

Ontario Elf

2008-04-10T09:25:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm...seems I too received an email "from Jesus" from a lovely Ontario friend. I had an experience very similar to you Candice. It is so encouraging to receive words and prayer from others. I wrote her words in my journal and look at them frequently. Seemingly, time does not wear them out. The key for me is to receive these words, to allow them to live and take root. I have not been good at this receiving thing in the past, but as I am receiving this friend's word, it has been such a healing balm of Truth and True Encouragement.

On the other end of things, I love encouraging and praying for others but often struggle with feelings of, "Am I smothering them?" "Will they think I'm weird because I always seem to have words to share?" "Will others think I'm just trying to gain affirmation" Ugh. This is very "me" focused.

So Candice, your post spoke right into these "me" thoughts and encouraged me to send off an email I was debating on sending.

-Andrea

Share Your Prayers

2008-04-05T18:07:00.001-05:00

Yesterday there was a message in my inbox with the subject line: To Candice, From Jesus. The sender is a friend in Ontario whom I have not seen nor talked to in quite some time. My heart skipped a beat and I smiled as I opened the message and began to read.

She had been praying for me. She asked Jesus what he wanted to say to me today and it was a wonderful message of encouragement and friendship. There was scripture to go with it, too. It spoke exactly to where I've been at lately. It affirmed some things that I have been praying into for others, and now it was turned toward me. What a gift. It was like water to my soul.

I'm grateful that my friend was remembering me in this way. And even more grateful that she put in the extra effort to send me those words.

If you've ever been privileged to know how someone has been praying for you, you'll understand how encouraging this feels. If you've ever prayed on behalf of someone, whether they know it or not, don't hesitate to pass on any Good News or encouraging words to them. It could make all the difference in how they feel about themselves and how the rest of their day goes. It's just incredibly faith-building. So be bold. Share your prayers.
-Candice

The Journey

2008-04-01T09:05:00.000-05:00

The journey to the cross is not a one time journey. I have found that at times, like during the series on Love, the journey is a process that takes days, even weeks. Some journeys have taken much longer - years. Then there are the journeys that I have made in a single day, in a few hours, or even a few miraculous minutes. Sometimes I've even made the journey several times in a day.

That's the beauty and grace of journeying with Jesus. He'll gladly go with us every single time. As many times as we need. And knowing what's at our destination: Jesus taking all our sin, shame, pain and everything we're willing to hand over to him, and leaving it there at the cross. And we get to leave with gifts, promises and blessings.

That's a journey worth making.
-Candice

Love Never Dies

2008-03-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

Love never dies. What an amazing, crazy, wonderful truth. As I look around me, at my own experience and the experiences of others that I've become a part of or even just aware of, it looks like sometimes Love is all there is to hold onto. Cling to. It is enough. It has to be enough. For me it must be more than enough because I can't even wrap my head around it.

So friends, we have 3 things to do: "Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love".
-Candice

Moving Forward

2008-03-19T10:19:00.000-05:00

Today’s prayer journal question and my scripture reading for the day seemed to line up nicely.

Today's journal question: Jesus, what is drawing my gaze to you, and keeps me moving forward? To this I felt the Lord speaking to me about the soil of my heart. With fertilizers such as grace, acceptance, and forgiveness for self and others, it seems I am better equipped to keep moving forward.

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

Proverbs 4:25

-Andrea

Memories of a Foot Washing

2008-03-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

Reading this week's scripture of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples brought back a memory of another time when I read this story. As it sometimes happens to me, I had opened my Bible to look something else up and was instead brought to this story.

I read the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I remember reading it slowly, and feeling as if all my senses were awakened. I got a clear picture of what the room might have looked like, right down to the lighting, the smell of the food and the feel of the air. I saw Jesus put on the apron and pour the water, and begin moving from one person to the next. I felt the questions, confusion and discomfort of the disciples. Then I realized he was at my feet. I was not an outsider looking in, I was there.

I felt every protest rise up in me, as voiced by Peter in the story. But as Jesus looked into my face the only thing I wanted was for my unworthiness to be washed away. To surrender to all that he was offering me.

Reading Andrea's post and what she discovered in her commentary brought it all back. Pride rebuked. Love offered. The most humbling act of service provided. My Lord washing my feet.

-Candice

The Great Foot Soak

2008-03-12T10:50:00.000-05:00

Possible Scenario:

As the disciples gather together for a meal, several of them are arguing who will be the greatest among them in heaven. As they sit down for supper, perhaps their minds are mulling over whose score is higher.

Peter is thinking, “at least I tried to walk on water, none of the others had the guts to!”.

Andrew is musing , “I did heal three dudes today, that’s gotta get me somewhere!”

Suddenly, their thoughts are interrupted as Jesus disrobes his outer coat, wraps a towel around himself and grabs a water basin.

What is this guy up to?

He’s….he’s…washing our feet?

What??!!

[insert feeling like a real winner (*note sarcasm)]

My commentary states that this act of footwashing “was a voluntary humiliation that rebuked the pride of the disciples.”

Another part states “It took [the disciples] a long time to begin to comprehend the intensity of Jesus’ love for them and the nature of his humility in dealing with them.” It blows me away that those who experienced Jesus day after day in the flesh found his love tough to comprehend!

BUT I do know he is revealing this love to us AND we are starting to GET IT!

Prayer that Jesus is answering: And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! (Eph 3)

-Andrea

p.s. any other “possible scenarios” or testimonies?

The Writing in the Dirt

2008-03-05T12:57:00.000-06:00

I read the story of the adulterous woman again today. Nervously I asked the question, "who am I in this story?" Then I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. And I heard "You are Forgiven". Big exhale. I read the story again. Being named Forgiven seems to align me with the adulterous woman. How often have I stood and waited to be condemned by people? Expected it? Only to be forgiven by the One who does not keep score.

Something that intrigues me whenever I read or hear this story is what Jesus is writing in the dirt. One time I heard speculation that perhaps he was listing the sins of the Pharisees. But if Love does not keep score, then that does not seem to fit. Was it a prayer to the Father? Was it his love song to the woman? To the Pharisees? I wonder what he would reveal if we asked him what he was writing in the dirt?
-Candice

Love Has Completeness

2008-02-29T10:37:00.000-06:00

Reading through to the end of 1 Corinthians 13, I was struck by the words in verse 10 about the Complete. That is God; that is Love. Looking up the word "complete" in the dictionary, I found it to mean "having all necessary parts, elements, or steps ... highly proficient ...fully carried out". So what does Love (God) have? Everything. Completeness and wholeness. And what is not complete Love/God does not have, and does not want.

Before I could get too far down the path of thinking "well, I guess then he wouldn't want me, because I'm far from complete and whole", my eye was drawn to the rest of the verse. When the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When we call to him, he will answer (Jeremiah 33:3). He arrives. That's some Good News!
-Candice

Sure, Why Not?

2008-02-27T14:01:00.000-06:00

I read the suggested scripture story yesterday, and just have to chuckle at the disciples' flippant response to Jesus' question that is essentially "will you follow me".

Is "sure, why not?" enough of a response? If I give such a quick answer to that question, am I really committing myself to the whole deal? Or am I missing the deeper question, as it seems James and John obviously were, and giving the quick answer in hopes to get the benefits and rewards that I'm after?

-Candice

Frenzied Encounters with Mr. Internet

2008-02-25T12:46:00.000-06:00

Last Monday, I fasted from …(drum roll)…online shopping & emailing! When I asked Jesus why online shopping, I felt he said, “It puts you into a frenzy, it drains you, and it leaves you thirsty for more and more deals. It’s not that I don’t want to bless you in this way, but it brings out the want-monster in you. If you do shop, I want it to be from a place that doesn’t so easily become off-centered! Your email habits do this to you as well (Ouch!)…Emailing needs to come out of a centering with me that is stable.”

I felt like Jesus has been prying my fingers off of how much time I spend on the net. Last Monday was very restful for me. The gift he gave me was peace & rest in exchange for my usual frenzied online shopping/emailing. It was sobering to realize how much peace I can sacrifice when searching for all my ‘wants’!

-Andrea

What Love Has

2008-02-25T10:26:00.000-06:00

"Love does not want what it does not have". That stirs up questions, thoughts, emotions, responses ... and challenges my thinking. Here's where I'm at - or think I'm at - with that right now.

Initially I turned it toward myself and starting thinking about some of my wants. The "illegitimate" ones like ... a different camper, new dining room furniture, a sunny vacation. Then the "legitimate" wants like peace, healing, harmony in my relationships, and children that will have a lifelong relationship with God. Then, I realized the verse, unlike the 10 commandments, does not say Thou shalt not want what thou does not have ... but Love does not want what love does not have. What's the difference? In 1 John 4:8 and 16, it says God is Love. That changes how I look at it. God does not want what God does not have.

So what does God/Love have?
I've got to sit with that one a bit. I'll let you know what I hear as the week progresses. If you join me in asking this question, I'd be interested in hearing what responses you're getting.
-Candice

Rest...

2008-02-23T15:48:00.000-06:00

Today, the invitation is to REST!!! Yahoo...except I was up at 6, driving to Steinbach by 7 to lead a workshop I was a little nervous about :( Rest?
Well the trip to Steinbach was a complete gift. First, I saw the sun come up...it was massive and bright orange...breathtaking!
Yesterday I was driving with some folks from B.C. As we drove he just marveled at the vastness of the prairie in winter...beautiful he said!! I looked around with his eyes, trying to take my "I'm sick and tired of winter and I don't see anything beautiful about it" eyes off for a minute...and he was right...I was just thinking about what I wished I had, not grateful for what I do have (oops I'm getting ahead of myself...more on that tomorrow in worship!)

Anyway, what i meant to say was...the ride to Steinbach was restful and beautiful as I was able to take in the VAST love of God...the purity and beauty of the white snow, and even the cold that suddenly became the persevering character of God. Everything felt like it was just reflecting the awesome, kind nature of the God I follow! How lucky! How restful!!

Darlene

Simple but not easy

2008-02-22T19:26:00.001-06:00

Asking Jesus today to show me how he wants me to follow him felt a little scary. Like asking for an action plan without knowing the assignment first. My reflection on this came sandwiched between a couple of significant moments in my day. I started the day in a bit of a frenzy. I don't know, I guess I just left too much to do in the morning before everybody had to be out the door at roughly the same time. So I fired off a quick email to a friend asking for some prayer coverage for my day, in hopes that a joint effort might bring a bit of calm into what I knew was going to be a fast-paced day.

I had a few moments throughout the day to ask this question, and wait on the response. What I got was "it's not complicated, but it's not necessarily easy". The following him part. There really was no clear picture this time, but a sense that trust is key. Trusting God, and trusting others. Hmmm ... independent me has a hard time with that sometimes.

When I got home, there was an email response from my friend. She shared a verse from Nehemiah 8:10 and it says the joy of the Lord is your strength. I sat with it a bit. Turned back a page in my journal and remembered the words of joy in Jesus' love song to me. That's my strength. I've heard those words before, but I understood them in a new way this evening. Trust God. Sounds simple but not necessarily easy. I guess that's what following him looks like for me right now.
-Candice

What to release?

2008-02-21T15:30:00.000-06:00

Today's question...what to release???? A while ago a trusted intercessor (which is just a fancy word for someone who knocks on God's door for others through prayer) gave me a word. "Darlene, it's time to lay it down." Lay what down, I asked? That's it...no further instruction, just that it was time to lay it down, or release it. I must admit it created anxiety at first, simply because I wasn't sure what 'IT' was. And I really wanted to know! So that took me on a long, good journey of releasing. There ended up being one big thing I needed to lay down, which I won't go into today, but it's something I could do every day and there would be something I'm sure!! At the top of the list often are...control, fear,envy, insecurity, my way...the list could go on. They have insidious ways of getting into my heart and mind and what's worse, they can almost go undetected because they're not always blaring in my face. They just seep below the surface.

I've felt quite sick this winter...a record number of colds, the flu, etc. I'm tired of not feeling well. Today, when I prayed and asked God what I need to release, what I hear is to release the DEMAND to be better. It's not that it's wrong to pray for my body to feel well - I'm doing that!! And I get the green light to keep doing that. It's the "virus" in me that DEMANDS life to go my way, and the destructive anger that rises when it's not happening the way I want it to. "If I'm not better then everyone's going to be miserable, because I'm miserable" (sorry family!). So...I give up my demand to feel well and the behaviour it produces.

YOU????

Darlene

Love Song 2

2008-02-20T22:52:00.000-06:00

Candice's post...

During the first few days after the birth of each of my boys, I "composed" a simple love song for each of them. Every night that we have been together for the past 7 and 9 1/2 years, I have sung what they call their "special song" to them. If I'm not the one to tuck them into bed, they always ask for me to come up and sing their "special song". I never get tired of singing it. I am always so glad they ask.

That was Jesus' response when I asked what his love song for me was. "I'm so glad you asked". Below are some of the words in his song to me. And just as I have a special song for each of my children, he has a special song for each of us.

When I look at you, I smile.
I dance to the beat of your heart.

I created you with such care
You are the delight of my heart.

I love it when you call my name
I am nearer than your next heartbeat.

I love looking into your eyes
And sharing the treasures of heaven with you.

Love Songs

2008-02-20T13:15:00.000-06:00

The question in the journal for today asks what Jesus' love song to me would be about?
It's not a very comfortable thing to ponder...seems a little presumptuous to think Jesus would sing a love song to ME! It's kind of like when someone asks you to share your strengths. Ask me to share my weaknesses and I'll talk for a long time, but my strengths...I don't know if I should be able to share that so confidently.

I think that must make Jesus just a little sad....he's singin' all these great little love songs, but no one can accept them? or share them? we falsely think THAT would be prideful...but no....when Jesus sings a love song...then by golly, it's a good one...not just one of those cheesy, schmaltzy ones!!

So can I share the words Jesus would/did use in a love song to me??? (you'll have to imagine the tune)

I conceived you in love.
Never an impulse or an after thought...a mistake.
I conceived you in love

My thoughts about you fill my heart, and overflow. You're my delight.
I look at you and smile
I'm not disappointed, no not disappointed.

Come and find yourself in my love.
Let's get lost in that love together.
You'll not be disappointed, you'll not regret...
My heart gets filled with you...daughter of mine....
and so let me fill you too!

end of song!

Two lines really hit me. First, that I was conceived in love...not sure why, but that really hits me.
And...lately he keeps saying he's not disappointed. I can't figure this one out for the life of me because believe me, there's plenty I THINK to be disappointed about. But HIs love seems to be blind to all that! What a great love!

That's it for now!

Darlene

First Fast

2008-02-18T13:25:00.000-06:00

I have been eager to fast with the Seeds community, and I admit I'm a bit curious as to who else has chosen to fast today. I am a fairly inexperienced faster, but as I think about what it's been like for me in the past, I can identify how God filled the space I created by fasting. During one fast, I was surprised by the depth and intensity of emotions I experienced. And during another, I was blessed with the opportunity to discuss fasting with my kids. And today, though they are not joining me in the fast, they accept it as perfectly normal.
Today is an interesting day for me to fast. Typical Mondays find me at home alone, going about my household routines while the rest of my family is at school and work. Today we're all home. As I've been asking Jesus the question "what do I need to lay down to get closer to you", I keep being impressed by how bound I can be by my own needs for routine and order, to the point of being rigid about it. Now I don't think I can throw all my structure and routine out the window, but I am being reminded to be flexible, patient and to be open to "what's next". And while my kids are teaching me this (yes, I've been listening the last few Sundays!) it's also like Jesus is reminding me to be flexible and recognize his movement in my day as well.
-Candice